Moj blog

beograd, dugodnevnica, povratak kući/belgrade, summer solstice, returning home 

Wednesday, June 26, 2013, 00:17
Napisao(la) Dubravka


tako... bila sam u beogradu. htela sam crći il otići, toliko sam se bila uželela beograda. još mi drugarica iz amsterdama dolazila, a nisam je vidla godinu dana, pa eto, mislila sam, sve đuture.

ah, maestralni zajeb.

išla sam preko pešte, novom ''low cost'' linijom, dočekale me laste i sve zeleno, zeleno, potpuno drugačije od suve malte. zinula sam dok smo se vozili ka beogradu, gledajući livade kroz mađarsku i vojvodinu, rode, sokoliće, makove... ko da nikad zelenilo vidla nisam. dočekala me drugarica, toplo, sa večerom, pričom, pivom, mislila sam, biće sve bajno, po jutru se dan poznaje.



a onda je krenulo... emocije, emocije, susreti, poslovi.

beograd, fabulozan kao i uvek, u moje omiljeno junsko doba, procvetao i razlistao, divan. ali energije su bile... teško podnošljive za mene. energije grada, ljudi, mojih bliskih... plakala sam dve nedelje, neću kriti.

osim svega toga, imala sam da spakujem stan za izdavanje jer je eto prazan i samo guta kintu i gomila račune koje nikako da stignem da poplaćam. mislila sam nema mnogo, a bilo je dvadeset kutija knjiga, šest velikih vakuum kesa garderobe i stolnjaka, nekoliko velikih torbi i još je ostalo, jer nisam mogla da nađem jebene kutije, skoro sam se pobila sa ciganima pored kontejnera.

i tako pakujući, sve sama, prolazim kroz stvari kao da prolazim kroz život mi, gledam naslove knjiga i mislim se kad ću ih opet otvoriti i kako u knjige na artiji više ne verujem, obaška neke. dal ću ikad poželeti da opet pročitam prusta? ni u hiljadu godina. ni dostojevskog, ni zmaj jovu, nijedan od tih naslova. i dal ću ikad hteti da obučem ove pantalone il metem onaj stolnjak... i kako li sam samo uspela da sakupim toliko stvari?

gledam te stvari kao da gledam sebe bivšu. možda je normalno da se plačući opraštaš od nekog sebe? ajd zdravo ja. ona ja.

stigla sam sve. crkla sam od posla, belog boga nisam videla osim tih kutija i rka, svega par prijatelja, probranih, jer bila sam u prašini i paketima. i kad sam se dokopala pešte u povraku, izašlo je sunce najdužeg ovogodišnjeg dana. za mene je dugodnevnica ekstra praznik, uvek joj se radujem, sad obaška, jer je ova imala da bude na moru, za čim žudim celog života. kad smo sleteli na maltu i kad sam ugledala palme i onjušila more, laknulo mi je. kupala sam se u zalazak i proslavila najduži dan. povratak kući, lakoću koju sam osetila kad sam se iščupala iz ''korena''.

pa se mislim, koliko sam srećna što ne pripadam nigde. ni srbiji, ni malti, što ne verujem u poreklo i odbijam da imam korene. korenje.

sačuvaću od beograda ovog puta laste, i duge vrele dane. laste, da. na malti ih je malo i kratko se zadržavaju. sačuvaću i par zagrljaja.

snimila sam novu/staru pesmu u studiju, izistinski, to je bilo lepo i čudno i pomalo teško. nedostaje mi moj bend.

hvala svima koji su hteli sa mnom da se vide. i bili divni kao što su uvek i svedoci mog odvajanja od mene. volim vas.



so i went to belgrade to visit. i so wanted to visit my hometown, i missed it a lot and since my friend from amsterdam was visiting as well, i thought it must be the perfect timing, lucky opportunity.

oh my... how wrong i was.

belgrade, majestic as it always is, old, rich in history, ever changing, green, my hometown. made me cry for two weeks.

it was honky-dory at the beginning. all good signs, lovely skies while travelling, heat, then storm, beautiful welcome from my friend who was already there, dinner, talk... and then it started.

although majestic, belgrade presented all of it's heavy energies. besides meeting family and friends, which was enough to cry, i had to pack our flat so that we can finally find tenants; supporting two flats is a bit too much for us at the moment. so i had to pack all of our personal belongings and leave it plain, cozy and appealing.

my, oh, my. how much junk can one collect during years? and i consider myself the one that keeps minimum stuff? i packed twenty boxes of books, several large vacuum bags of clothes and table cloths, few big bags of god_knows_what... all alone.

i was time traveling, facing former me that somehow was stuck there, in titles i would never read again, not in a thousand years i will read proust or dostoevsky again. stuck in old dresses, shoes, photographs... eventually, i asked myself, how did i fucking get here, to this point of living?

so i came back to my rocky island. the non-green rock, with it's beautiful sea that i soaked in the same day, grateful to be here at summer solstice, grateful that i saw sunrise and sunset on that day.

goodbye old me. you were lovely and i thank you. but i'm not that one anymore. i am that i am.




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crystal clear/kristalno čista 

Thursday, June 6, 2013, 04:04
Napisao(la) Dubravka
savršen dan za početak sezone plivanja. malo vetra, mnogo sunca, čista voda. par maltežana i ja. inače sam se iznenadila da su i maltežani plivali jer sam od mnogih čula da u vodu ne ulaze pre avgusta. može im se. ;) prvo plivanje u sezoni. bila sam vrlo, vrlo srećna. i zahvalna.



perfect day for first swimming this season. just enough wind, lot of sunshine and of course crystal clear waters surrounding malta. european inspectors rated waters as excellent. and excellent they are.

not to many people on the beach, surprisingly only maltese people, surprisingly also swimming. ;) many of maltese people normally don't swim before august, as i was told. so... season is opened! at least for me. it was wonderful and it made me very happy. :) and grateful.


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lunar eclipse 

Saturday, May 25, 2013, 21:17
Napisao(la) Dubravka


invisible at my place.

oh, yeah? :)

so, this one is over. good.

dragon of awakening, if you so choose.

all is well in all of creation.



nevidljivo pomračenje.

jel? ;)

ok, i to je gotovo.

zmaj buđenja na engleskom, pa ko oće... :)


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uskrs #2/second easter 

Monday, May 6, 2013, 00:13
Napisao(la) Dubravka
srećan uskrs. meni drugi, ko što rekoh, bogata sam uskrsima ove sezone. od prvog do drugog bilo je... najblaže rečeno dinamično. sve se mislim, odlazi ova trodimenzionalna realnost pa sad mora da nas keca, onako za kraj. plus je bilo i prvo pomračenje posle prvog uskrsa, sad će još jedno, 10. maja, evo kolko za koji dan...

nasekirala sam se. umrla je ruška, andrejina mama. ne znam kolko smo vremena kod nje proveli dok smo rasli u glumce, pre i za vreme akademije. jedna od onih mama kod kojih je uvek moglo da se dođe na kazan i sedenje. odmah sutradan sam čula da je umro purić. slatki čovek purić, muž moje drugarice sa klase. nisam ga dobro znala, al koliko sam ga znala bio mi je simpa, duhovit. nema par meseci da mi je poslao neke stare slike sa predstave carmina burana, od pre... vidim nema ga na fb, nisam znala da je bolestan, ne čujem se sa njim svaki dan. u roku od pet minuta kad sam to čula, čula sam da je umro i sale grujić. gruja bas. znala sam ga od kad je bio dete. genijalni gruja, neshvaćen, ljut, tužan. ne znam što je umro, teško mi je da zovem njegovog tatu da pitam, da kažem bilo šta. gruja je za mene uvek bio klinac, dete bre mog druga. uf.

mnogi se odlučuju za tranziciju u drugu realnost u ovo vreme, jer nije lako podneti. ko da kažu, odoh ja sad, pa ću da se vratim kad se sve malo utiša. isto tako, mnogima je ovo vreme najlepše, ono zbog koga su se i rodili baš sad.

šta da kažem? drž'te se. još malo, samo još malo. sad su dostupne pećine kristala, 21 pećina plus kristal u jezgru zemlje, energetskih kristala koji su tu da pomognu da ostvarite svoje želje. svoje želje, ne želje za spas čovečanstva, nego svoje sebične, male i velike želje. strasti. otvorene su 21. decembra lane. to su naši energetski kristali, mi smo ih tu stavili jer smo znali da će jednog dana da nam trebaju baš za to, za naše velike i male želje, da promenimo svoje živote.

hristos vaskrse. samo nemojte da vas truju da je umro na krstu zbog vaših grehova. nema grehova, nema greške, sve je dobro u svemu stvorenom.




abundant in easters this season, this is my second one, orthodox easter, so we celebrate. we like to celebrate even when circumstances are not as favorable as we would wish...

between first and second easter i heard not_so_good_news. few people that were close to me in a way have chosen transition to other realms. they left. i was told about it in one day and it was not easy.

hang on, guys! 3d is going away. this is the best of times, times we have chosen to be born at, times of change. it's not easy, i know, but just hang on. all is well in all of creation!




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easter#1/uskrs prvi 

Sunday, March 31, 2013, 09:10
Napisao(la) Dubravka
ove godine sam bogata u uskrsima. prvo jedan, onda drugi. divno! slavimo sve što postoji u okolini. ovo su jaja za uskrs broj jedan. u kući nemam vaze, pa su tegle od nutele super poslužile za frezije i ovo poljsko cveće što ne znam šta je.

srećan uskrs, kome je. :)



i am abundant with easters this year. i celebrate both, one now, one on may 5th. yes! have no vases in the house, so nutella jars served the purpose for freesia and this wild flowers which i never saw before.

happy easter. if you so choose. :)



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ravno_the_dnevnica/equinox  

Thursday, March 21, 2013, 07:31
Napisao(la) Dubravka
najzad. sad kolko god da je ladno, vetrovito, pada kiša, sneg il je prosto musavo, nazad nema. to jest, najzad proleće. jes da živim na suptropskom ostrvu, al sam se smrzla ove zime. zato sam jutros bila vredna i ustala rano da sačekam ravnodnevničko jutro na obali. da budem sigurna da je svanulo. nadala sam se da vidim neki spektakularni izlazak, al to nije bio slučaj. prosto, bilo je oblačno i sunce se pojavilo tek oko pola osam, kad je već ihaj odskočilo. u šes' nema nikog na obali. samo more, prolećno sunce, brod na horizontu i ja. i naravno, adamus i merabh za snove. merabh je nežna izmena svesti. :)









posle se brod približio pa sam ga bolje videla.





i da. srećna nova godina.


i say, at last. it can be snowy, rainy, foggy, cold and cloudy, but it's officially over. spring at last. indeed, i moved to a subtropical island, but this winter was very cold for me. after this point, no going back.

so i got up early and went to the beach to welcome spring sun, day one. it was not some spectacular sunrise since it was cloudy but i could see distant ship and smell the sea. not a living human soul was there but me at that early hour, how precious, how precious. i was sitting there for some time waiting the ship to come closer. even close she looked like some ghost ship from the movies, but i liked it. sea, spring sun, ship and me. ah. of course, adamus was there also, with this:



merabh of knowingness.

merabh is a gentle shift of consciousness.

so spring is here and all is well in all of creation. happy new year.

enjoy.






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beautiful day/divan dan 

Saturday, February 23, 2013, 01:22
Napisao(la) Dubravka
yesterday.

in calendar for this day it was written: ''you have all these things happening around you - drama flying all around, issues coming up, aspects that are going chaotic and crazy right now. you have all this commotion, but i say to you, 'ahmyo. be with this. be with you. be in trust.' it is ahmyo - the grace of trust in yourself. ~ adamus''

it was my birthday. away from home and friends. but it was beautiful day. sunny, easy, on my own most of the day. i went to the beach (my backyard beach, you know ;) ) and i stayed there for hours. it was windy but not cold, little needles of water were pointing to my face and made it more beautiful, sea smelled lovely and i enjoyed Beyond Ancestral Biology Merabh in my earphones. very appropriate.

i bought myself nice bracelet and got tons of other presents from my family and thanks to them and my fb friends i didn't feel far away from anybody. thank you, guys, you do rock! then i treated myself to a theatre rehearsal in small english theatre in the island and it was oh, so nice to smell the curtains and visit actors and to just be there. theatre smells the same everywhere in the world. and has it's own, unique smell.

well, happy birthday to me. this is going to be wonderful year. i so know that. what else is possible?





juče. divan dan.

u kalendaru koji svaki dan okrećem na stolu za juče je pisalo: ''ima toliko stvari koje se sad dešavaju oko vas - svuda drama, iskaču problemi, aspekti, sad haotični i ludi. imate svu tu frku, ali reći ću vam, 'amio. budite sa time. budite sa sobom. imajte poverenja.' to je amio - milost imanja poverenja u sebe. ~ adamus''.

bio je zaista divan dan. iako sam daleko od kuće, pa su mi malo falili neki, opet je bio divan dan. sunce, talasi... odsedela sam na plaži par sati na vetru što je od mora pravio sitne iglice da me ubadaju u lice, sa mirabom izvan nasleđene biologije u slušalicama, vrlo prigodno. totalno uživanje. nikakva žurba, samo ja.

čini mi se da nikad nisam dobila lepše čestitke od fb prijatelja. hvala svima, mnogo mi je značilo. :) od familije tona poklona, ja mnogo volim da otpakujem poklone, pa i jesam. uveče sam sebe častila odlaskom na probu u malo englesko pozorište, bilo je super fajn da se sretnem sa glumcima i omirišem pozorište opet. pozorište svuda na svetu miriše isto.

pa, srećan mi rođendan. biće ovo famozna godina, vidim je. koje su još mogućnosti?



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relief/olakšanje 

Monday, January 14, 2013, 08:58
Napisao(la) Dubravka
twenty twelve is officially over. new moon brought new year in full. i know we all felt changes new era brought already, but it's now that i expect everything to be... well, lighter. less dense, more easier. still it looks like nothing changed on the surface, so we don't see it yet, but we do feel. i do. :)

we went to explore parts of the island we haven't yet and it was oh, so windy. let the wind blow away what is not yours. let it blow through you and take what you don't need anymore. clean. clear.

it was wind yesterday and pouring rain cleansing today as a follow up. anew. if you have a chance, go and fetch the moon tonight. it's wonderful and magic.

so, let's see what happens next. i hope for some divine surprises.



sa novim mesecom se zvanično završila dveiljadedvanaesta. bog da joj dušu prosti, doviđenja i prijatno. aukurac. sa novim mesecom je načisto počelo novo doba i znam da svi osećaju da je lakše. ne vidi se još kako, al ja osećam. bilo je baš gusto poslednjih meseci, sad više nije toliko.

juče smo išli da istražimo delove ostrva koje još nismo stigli. južno, gde su klifovi i gde nema turista. bilo je vetrovito i kad je tako jak vetar nije loše stati i pustiti ga da oduva sve viškove, sve što nije naše. danas je pala kiša, zalila prilično i pokisli smo ko pacovi, al kiša je došla kao fini nastavak jučerašnjeg vetra, da ne kažem, čišćenja.

da vidimo šta je dalje bilo... :)

photo credits schkovich


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2013. 

Wednesday, January 2, 2013, 02:33
Napisao(la) Dubravka
happy new year.

2013. wow. how powerful are we? we got this far. and 2012 is over, whatever that means, old era is over, whatever that means, which is the best part of so far 2013. last year had it's moments. ahem. but let's remember good ones. like 4 pearl jam gigs, playing in theatre after quite some time, singing in a band, moving to a tropical island, meeting adamus ''in person'', to name but a few.

i am sure you also had moments like this. and also bad ones, but all of them are gone now and we are going kinda ahead, into the golden age abundant in magic. or so they say. if you feel it, you do. if you don't feel it, you do. ahead.

we celebrated quietly. nice food, walk to st. julians. no guns, no firework, but tons of drunk people totally wasted on the streets. mostly girls. and crazy shoes everywhere. i was pretty much in awe, like wtf? fortunately it's warm enough so that they can walk barefoot when they get tired of heels...

it literally started with a flow. our water heater broke so that we had sort of flood at 4am, what a party! never mind, flow is flow. ;) it's sunny and dry today, windows are opened, sea is close. what else is possible?

enjoy this year more. laugh more, drink more water and love yourself unconditionally. allow good things to come to you. just allow.

let it be very happy. new. year. 2013.




najbolji deo 2013. do sad je što je 2012. gotova. imali smo trenutke. famozne. i grozne. ja ću da zapamtim one famozne, kao koncerti, kao igranje u pozorištu, kao pravljenje pesama i pevanje sa bendom, selidbu na tropsko ostrvo, susret sa adamusom... bilo je stvarno famozno s vremena na vreme.

al i famozno i grozno su prošli. ja bih dalje, napred, nazad ne može i onako. stoga, mda. jedva čekam da i ove godine sretnem te veličansvene trenutke. sad. te ''sad''. evo recimo, baš sad. :)

proslavili smo manje više kao i svaki dan što slavimo. dobra klopa, šetnja do sent džulijansa di smo videli neviđen broj potpuno pijanih žena koje su popadale po ulici, užasno ružne cipele u količinama, al srećom je toplo pa mogu da hodaju bose kad im visina dosadi. o)) ništa pucnjava, par petardi u ponoć, ništa vatromet koji je ovde svakodnevna pojava leti...

nova godina je počela bukvalno da teče. procureo je bojler, pojma nemamo gde je ventil, baš je bila mala poplava u 4 ujutru. ima da teče ove godine? tako ću to da shvatim. teći će smeh i novac, kapiram. fala, da.

šta da vam kažem što već ne znate? staro doba je gotovo, ušli smo u zlatno doba. koje su mogućnosti? sve je moguće.

radujte se, smejte više ove godine, pijte više vode, volite sebe beskompromisno. pustite da vam dobre stvari uđu u život. samo to, pustite. se.

srećna nova godina. 2013. kolko smo daleko dogurali... kakve smo mi fore... a? ;)







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ta-da! 

Saturday, December 22, 2012, 09:10
Napisao(la) Dubravka
i? kakoe? mislim kako je prošao the kraj svega, tj. kraj sveta? i jel prošo uopšte? jebiga, ništa od toga. obični zimski solsticij. hehe

dan ko svaki drugi. duvao vetar, ništa od plivanja, malo sunca, malo kiše, nabrala sam još naramak cveća i sad čekam da vidim šta je posle bilo...

srećna završnica 26 soma godinica! uspeli smo da se dovučemo. ;)





so, how was it? i mean, how did it go, the end of everything, or the end of the world? is it over yet or not? eek... nothing, eh? same old winter shortest day. :P

day as every other. little windy, little sunny, little rainy, happy then dull... i picked more wild flowers for my place, so all is well.

let's see what happens next. because next is important part. follow the strangest tribe.

happy end of 26k years. we made it. keep on keeping on, or in other words, keep on rocking in the new world.

(picture by schkovich from yesterdays party in skyparks. band unknown, song sympathy for the devil)


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